I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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