i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
