Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's blow job season.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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