first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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