I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
