I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
