Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
