I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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