Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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