I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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