he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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