I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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