Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
