you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
