Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
