she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
