eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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