Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
