I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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