I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
