Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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