So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
