I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
