Heybabeimwearingurpanties
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
