We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
