This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
