don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
