apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think people are normalizing furries
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
