Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
