this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
