I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
