No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
