my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
