My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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