he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
