The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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