I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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