I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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