It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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