I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
