Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
