Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
