Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
