So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
