Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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