Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
