So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
