Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
