my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
