He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
