I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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